There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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