you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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