Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(940): View more from Texas

Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.

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(631): View more from New York

the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job

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(702): View more from Nevada

I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

True on all accounts.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia

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(970): View more from Colorado

How do you feel?

(1-970): View more from Colorado

Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.

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(818): View more from California

I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.

Fav 1 132 151
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(304): View more from West Virginia

It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters

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