you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
