Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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