well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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