i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
