Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
