you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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