Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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