I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
