the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
