dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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