And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
