woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
