He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
