so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
