I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
