how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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