you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
