Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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