You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Pooping to opera.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
