I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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