you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
