some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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