i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
