well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
