Plan B is the new Plan A
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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