you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
