Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
