The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is Oprah even human
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
