I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
