we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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