I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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