you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
