You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
