I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
