I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
