I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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