C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
