shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize