i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
