i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
