My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so let's talk penis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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