i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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