Ketchup is God's man juice
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
