My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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