Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am available for nakedness
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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