so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
