Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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