I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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