On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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