Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Say something about gay babies.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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