whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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