Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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