there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
