It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
