Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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