how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
