i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
