Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
