I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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