I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you win again, gameday.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
