just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
