You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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