he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
