I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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