Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
