I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
