i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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