Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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